OH SNAP!
by Rubyconcream
Summary: When Ruwalk teaches Alfeegi how to play cards, the simple game of Snap becomes a heck of a lot more complicated!


**OH SNAP!**  
By: RubyconCream

The two had made instant eye contact upon his entrance into the west parlor room, and filled the air with an intense discomfort. Alfeegi, who had just been passing through to the south chamber hall, was immediately pulled over by the atmosphere of mischief around Ruwalk. Why ever for? All the Yellow Dragon Officer was doing was sitting alone amongst the sofas lining the center of the room, working at the coffee table, nothing dangerous. No. Alfeegi was much smarter than that. There were three things wrong with this picture. One, the look of utter horror Ruwalk gave him once he strolled in. Two, the uneasy, uncomfortable way he followed him with his eyes. Three, the look of terror and panic he made when Alfeegi came to a stop. Yes, there indeed was something wrong.

Ruwalk cleared his throat "Ahem! Um….Hi!" and began to hastily clean something off the table.

Alfeegi slowly towered over him "And what is that?"

He froze as the other man began inspecting the scene. "Oh –uh- just –um-"

Alfeegi looked back at Ruwalk with burning eyes "Playing Cards?"

"It's not what you think-"

"Gambling again?"

"No-no-no-no! " He pinched his neck nervously "I-I was playing solitaire!"

"A likely story" He reached to confiscate the deck.

"No really! I was just trying to relieve some stress!"

"Solitaire is scarcely stress relieving-"

"Well it is for me,"

"And on what grounds do you expect me to believe you weren't slacking off and wasting time and money?"

Alfeegi began walking around the room and picked up the upholstery for signs of life. Three cups sloppily decorated the furnishing, a pair of feminine slippers wedged cozily under on of the big comfy seats… a stray strand of hair caught in the fibers of the couch- Ruwalk was just discovering all this stuff at the same second Alfeegi was. He innerly wished he had cleaned up more thoroughly.

"The girls where in here-"

"Oh, yes! That was long before I got here though!" He lied through a smile. "They were… talking…"

"Talking…." Alfeegi repeated dryly

"About…" Ruwalk circled his head in thought "Girlie…things,"

"Girlie things…" He slowly lowered into his face "Absurd. You guys were gambling and you got the girl's involved too. Stop wasting my time and admit it already,"

"Hahaha…Oh, Alfeegi you're so uptight!" He pinched the back of his neck "You should take a break, sit down and play a game with…. Wh-what-what are you doing!"

Alfeegi was on his hands and knees, meticulously scrutinizing the location. "I' am making sure you guys weren't playing a card game with the word 'strip' in it"

"Strip Solitaire? Why whoever heard of such a thing…. How ingenious…."

"Quiet, you,"

"Really, now, I've been all alone since 3:00! So you're really searching for nothing-"

"AHA!" He sat up with a hand full of gold pieces "What might this be?"

"People lose change in couches all the time"

He eyed Ruwalk distastefully "Persistent, aren't we?"

"You sure are," He exhaled and helped him off the floor "C'mon, take a moment off! You're so tense! Play a quick game with me!"

Alfeegi glared "Grrr, One: I'm not about to be sidetracked- this little incident is not going to go unpunished, and Two: For no reason I'm going to place my money on the line for your pleasure."

"Awe- there's other things to do with playing cards than gamble! We can play harmless games like Bullshit-"

"Since when is a harmless game called that?"

"It's a game where you lie-"

"A game that promotes lying? Hardly harmless…" Alfeegi started for the door "I'm going to make sure this gets repor-"

"NO! –I mean- I-I-I don't want to be alone; it's so dull being alone! C'mon! Just one game!"

"No."

"uuuhh…. We can play Snap! That's harmless! It's perfectly harmless!"

"No."

"Uhh…um…." Ruwalk bit down and inhaled deeply "YOU OWE ME!"

Alfeegi paused dangerously at the door knobs.

"What was that…?" He turned slowly and harshly "Who, dare you say, owes who?"

"You owe me…." Now Ruwalk was wondering if saying that was such a good idea.

"And, sir, just how on earth did I come to the misfortune of owing the likes of you?"

"I talked Lord Lykouleon into signing the Arilan and Terima contracts for you! Remember? No matter what you said, he had his foot down in saving that ancient territory! You begged me to persuade him otherwise and I went out of my way to do so! Remember?"

Alfeegi glared destructive daggers at him.

"C'mon! Just one game! That's all I'm asking of you! That's simple enough compared to what you made ME do! It took my four hours to debate it out with him! I almost lost that battle too! You're in my debt, Alfeegi, whether you like it or not! Now get you butt back over here and play with me!"

The other Dragon Officer cringed and reluctantly sauntered to the sofa "You're such a child…. You're fortunate I'm a noble man of my word,"

"Yay!" He shuffled the deck cheerfully "You're the best, Alfeegi!"

"Humph" He took a seat across from Ruwalk "Make this quick, I have work to do,"

"Alright-Alright um… Snap- right snap! We're playing snap!"

"And how do you play this snap?"

"….. " The yellow dragon officer was wide-eyed "You don't know?"

"No," He crossed him arms roughly "I don't have time to waste on such trivial activities,"

The other man was very much taken back "Yeesh, Alfeegi, how can you live from day to day being so boring?"

"Everyday has priorities to be met and I meet them,"

"And that is fun?"

"Fun is barely the point! NOW, how do you play this game so we can play it and I can get back to work already?"

"Ok! Ok!" Ruwalk began placing down cards "Here help me divide these by color,"

"Very well" He bent over and assisted sorting out the playing cards.

"Do you want to be red or black?"

"Does it matter-"

"Well…I'm kind of fond of red-"

"The take it, then"

"Thanks! Ahem!" Ruwalk collected his red cards "Alright! The point of the game is to make matching pairs. We both put down a card at the same exact time and if the numbers on the card match, whoever says snap first gets to keep the pair. Whoever has the most pair's wins."

Alfeegi looked skeptical "And the point is?"

"Having fun competing for the same pair-"

"And if nothing matches?"

"Well... then we just play again!"

"Grr… You said only one game,"

"Well, if you're lucky we won't have to play more than once,"

"So basically you have me trapped here until you find it to you liking to let me go,"

"That's so cruel; you know I'm not cruel, Alfeegi!"

"No. You're just mean,"

Ruwalk reordered his side of the deck contentedly "Alright then lets be- Wait! No No No! You don't hold your deck like your playing poker, you keep it face down and draw from the top ,like this."

"Very well,"

"Ok! Um… Let's have a little demonstration! Pull out a card!"

Alfeegi ripped a card off the top of his deck and looked at it "Four of spades-"

"No no no" chuckled Ruwalk "You're supposed to put it down on the table so we both can see it at the same time!"

"Grr…" He leered at the Yellow Dragon Officer as he dropped the card on the counter.

"See, I have a King of Hearts, so it doesn't match and we keep drawing" he smiled pulled out another card "ok, Alfeegi?"

"Wait- what happens to the last cards?"

"It goes underneath the new cards! You see, we stack them on top of each other- it's really hard when you make a sloppy pile, then the old cards start throwing you off and it's harder to snap-"

"Then why not make the pile neater?"

"Um… that's … kind of… hard, when you're putting the cards down super fast!"

"Then put them down slower-"

"You can't do that-"He froze as Alfeegi gave him the death glare again "What I mean to say is that it's hard to put them down slower!"

"….Just watch me,"

Ruwalk let out a huge sigh "Alright, alright, whatever you say…. This can be a slow game of snap… a boring game of snap-"

"What was that?"

"AHEM! Shall we begin?"

"Have we not already?"

"No not reall- but, here we go!"

Both drew a card.

"SNAP!"

"What?" Alfeegi jumped at his sudden explosion.

"I said snap!" The other man pointed "I pulled a Ten of Hearts and you pulled a Ten of spades! They match! I said snap first so I get to keep them,"

The White Dragon Officer narrowed his eyes as Ruwalk pushed the cards over to his side of the table. "Oh… I see… Let us do continue…."

"Ok!"

Both again drew a card.

"SNAP!"

"What?" Alfeegi glared down to see a pair of Threes; one of clubs and one of diamonds.

"That makes two pairs for me!"

"Grr… Draw!"

They drew.

"SNAP!"

"WHAT!"

"Mine" Ruwalk grinned.

"Draw!"

Again, they drew.

"SNAP!"

"Grrrrrr" Alfeegi glowered aggressively at the other man.

"Wow!" Ruwalk blinked innocently "Who would have thought! That usually doesn't happened more that twice in a row"

The White Dragon Officer eyed his deck furiously, turning over the thought in his mind that may be his share of the deck had been pre-rigged.

"Shall we draw?"

"HOLD ON A SECOUND" He angrily shuffled his deck, making Ruwalk giggle. "Quiet, you!"

"Heheheh- AHEM! Now?"

"Fine! DRAW!"

Once more they drew.

"SNAP!"

The poor White Dragon Officer was wide-eyed as his comrade reached for the new matching pair of sevens.

"Yeah! I'm good!" Cheered Ruwalk "Whoooh!"

"How can this be happening?"

"I don't know-"

"There are sixty-two cards in an average playing card deck that makes a one out of a thirty one chance that you will make a matching pair- AND YOU HAVE MADE FIVE MATCHING PAIRS ON THE FIRST SIX TRIES!"

"I guess Lady Luck thinks I'm sexy today!"

"HARDLY!" He stared defiantly at the Yellow Dragon Officer "I'm on to you Ruwalk-"

He rolled his eyes "When are you not-"

"Excuse me?"

"NOTHING! Draw!"

Yet again they drew.

"SNAP!"

"……… Alfeegi….. They don't matc-"

"Just shut up and draw," He was flushed.

"I wonder if there's a penalty for calling snap with out double pairs…" Mused Ruwalk absent mindedly reshuffling his portion of the deck.

"You mean you don't know all the rules of this game?"

"Well… just the basics! Things like penalties are too hard to spread by word of mouth; we would half to make up penalties like um… for every time I make a pair you have to take off an article of clothing-"

"I'AM NOT GOING TO PLAY STRIP SNAP WITH YOU!"

Ruwalk pinched his lips trying not to grin, but snorted.

"SILENCE!"

"Ok! Ok! We won't play with penalties!"

"GOOD!"

"Ok!"

They drew.

Ruwalk paused for a long moment, looking at Alfeegi "Um… SNAP!"

"Wait- What?"

"That's a six and a six-"

"BLAST I thought it was a nine! It was upside down!"

"I was wondering why you didn't say anything,"

"ARRRG! BLOODY HELL!"

"Whoa! Calm down, Alfeegi! You're too tense! Relax and enjoy yourself-"

"How do you suppose I should enjoy myself when the odds are so unfair?"

"Well I practically gift wrapped that last one, but you didn't-"

"AHA! So you admit it! This is some sort of torture revenge plot you sadistically invented to watch me suffer under your power!"

He stared at Alfeegi blankly, blinking "… on second thought… this game is REALLY stressing you out! Lets stop-"

"And let you have the privilege of an automatic win! I THINK NOT! If this really is a game of probability then I still have a chance to come forth victorious! Well, I'm going to seize that chance, Ruwalk! I let you trample me over long enough! Let this be THE day you rue! DRAW!"

Ruwalk was totally confused "Wow… um… if I knew putting lemon in your tea was going to make you edgy I would-"

"You…. WHAT!" There was fire in Alfeegi's eyes.

"Nothing-"

"NO! I heard you! You- YOU! YOU WHERE THE ONE WHO RUINED MY BREAKFAST!"

"Uh…." The other man hopped to this feet "HEY! Look at the time! It's time for my…FOOT MASSAGE! Yeah!"

"No it isn't! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!"

"Oh Snap!" Ruwalk bolted.

"COME BACK HERE!-"

In the pursuit the White Dragon Officer nearly plowed a poor bystander over. "WHOOOOAA!"

"M'LORD!" Afeegi gawked.

Lord Lykouleon clung to Alfeegi, trying not to fall backward. "….my… life… just flashed before my eyes…."

"M'LORD! Lord Lykouleon, forgive me!"

He dazedly let go and dusted himself off "Playing with Ruwalk I see, huh, Alfeegi?"

To Alfeegi's horror, The Dragon Lord's eyes came to meet the mess of cards on the coffee table.

"Playing cards? Why you sly dog!"

"Lord Lykouleon - I- no - NO! It's not what it seems-"

"I never thought Ruwalk could tempt you to the dark side! So, how do you like it? Isn't it just naughty and terribly exciting?"

"NO! I was not- We were not- NO-"

"It's alright, Alfeegi you can be perfectly honest with me, I totally completely understand! Nobodies Perfect"

"But M'lord!"

"I was beginning to worry! All that high stress you taken on everyday isn't good for a boy your age-"

"M'lord-"

"It's healthy for boys to be out and about wreaking a little havoc! Why, I make sure to encourage that in Rath everday! Being cooped up at a desk will take years off your life!"

"M'LORD!"

"I'm relieved that you're finally letting down your hair a little bit! You never know! Maybe you'll even grow a sense of humor, and get in on our jokes a little!"

"But-"

"Why, I'd like to even see you pull a prank or two! Hey if you got a moment, I know Tetheus is going to be down at the-"

"No!" Alfeegi gripped his head and ran off in a psycho tantrum, bumping uncoordinatedly into walls and such "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOO! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO!"

"Al- Alfeegi?" His majesty watched in awe as his subordinate made out of the hall in a mess." Alfee…gi… Hmmm…. How peculiar…. Whatever could be the matter?

Ruwalk popped his head in, shifty eyed "Uh… I really don't know…"

"Do you think all this naughty was too much for him?"

"He'll live! Say! If we leave now I think we can still catch Tetheus before he reaches the east-west hall!"

"OH SURE! Let's go!"

"NOOOOO!"

Much to their surprise, came running back at them with a large sculpture the former Queen of the Kitsune's , that could be found in that hall, stormed a frenetic Alfeegi with the look of murder on his face.

"Oh snap!" Ruwalk grabbed Lykouleon, "RUN! RUN! RUN!"

"DIIIIEE!"


End file.
